getting married

GETTING MARRIED
The tragedy of Senzo Meyiwa and Kelly Khumalo again shines a light on our African habits, which may be outdated in these days of HIV/Aids. (The Times http://www.timeslive.co.za/…/sympathy-for-khumalo-after-mey…)
We Africans tend to marry young, but in spite of diseases like HIV/Aids we live longer than our foremothers a century ago. And we grow up slower, consequently. It is not unusual for a girl to get pressure to get married even before she reaches twenty. For a boy it may come slightly later, or boys may be raised to resist pressure more effectively. However we tend to marry before our personalities are fully formed. That means that a couple may grow apart. But in an African context, a marriage is not only between the two partners, both families are tightly involved. That makes a divorce difficult. For Americans it is not unusual to marry four or five times over a lifetime. Europeans tend to live together for a long time before they get married and have children (education about contraceptives tends to be effective in Europe). But even there divorce it not exceptional like it is in our traditional societies.
If we get married before we fully form our personalities, we tend to meet the love of our life only after getting married. This gives rise to multiple concurrent relationships like with Kelly Khumalo. Multiple concurrent relationships are dangerous in times of HIV/Aids: with casual sex it is not too difficult to use condoms, but with a long term partner this tends to be forgotten after a while. And at the same time we need to fulfill our conjugal rights at home (conjugal rights to either a male or female partner need to be honoured: we cannot deny our partner his/her sexual needs).
The solution is not easily found, as we do not want to give up on our own culture with strong family ties that need to be kept after being sealed in an official marriage. It seems that the best solution is to marry later, mostly in our mid to late twenties or later, rather than late teens to early twenties. That means we are ready for sex, before we get married. If the adolescents are educated to do this safely, it should be good. Entering marriage with experience will help the couple build a mutually satisfying life. And having sex before saying the yes word will help the partners know each other intimately. If a couple knows they found the right partner, there should not be a stigma on living together without official marriage, and if the adolescent is not sure, we must avoid pressure to get married. Let the child decide for himself/herself when they have found the love of their life. That way we are much more secure of a long lasting stable marriage.
GETTING MARRIED The tragedy of Senzo Meyiwa and Kelly Khumalo again shines a light on our African habits, which may be outdated in these days of HIV/Aids. (The Times http://www.timeslive.co.za/opinion/2014/10/30/sympathy-for-khumalo-after-meyiwa-shooting?PageSpeed=noscript) We Africans tend to marry young, but in spite of diseases like HIV/Aids we live longer than our foremothers a century ago. And we grow up slower, consequently. It is not unusual for a girl to get pressure to get married even before she reaches twenty. For a boy it may come slightly later, or boys may be raised to resist pressure more effectively. However we tend to marry before our personalities are fully formed. That means that a couple may grow apart. But in an African context, a marriage is not only between the two partners, both families are tightly involved. That makes a divorce difficult. For Americans it is not unusual to marry four or five times over a lifetime. Europeans tend to live together for a long time before they get married and have children (education about contraceptives tends to be effective in Europe). But even there divorce it not exceptional like it is in our traditional societies. If we get married before we fully form our personalities, we tend to meet the love of our life only after getting married. This gives rise to multiple concurrent relationships like with Kelly Khumalo. Multiple concurrent relationships are dangerous in times of HIV/Aids: with casual sex it is not too difficult to use condoms, but with a long term partner this tends to be forgotten after a while. And at the same time we need to fulfill our conjugal rights at home (conjugal rights to either a male or female partner need to be honoured: we cannot deny our partner his/her sexual needs). The solution is not easily found, as we do not want to give up on our own culture with strong family ties that need to be kept after being sealed in an official marriage. It seems that the best solution is to marry later, mostly in our mid to late twenties or later, rather than late teens to early twenties. That means we are ready for sex, before we get married. If the adolescents are educated to do this safely, it should be good. Entering marriage with experience will help the couple build a mutually satisfying life. And having sex before saying the yes word will help the partners know each other intimately. If a couple knows they found the right partner, there should not be a stigma on living together without official marriage, and if the adolescent is not sure, we must avoid pressure to get married. Let the child decide for himself/herself when they have found the love of their life. That way we are much more secure of a long lasting stable marriage.

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